Love burritos? Can't get enough garlic? Crazy about Bing cherries? Look no further - the all-new FlatuMaster 2000es Odor Cancelling Underpants will give you poise and confidence in any social situation.
The FlatuMaster's secret is a patented gas-permeable membrane sown into the fabric. It contains billions of semi-autonomous, nano-technology chemical synthesizers that analyse airborne odors and instantly release custom-tailored molecules that bind to and neutralize unwanted emissions.
Nearly silent in operation, the FM2000es is energy efficient and powered by a small sausage-shaped fuel cell that slips into the front panel. If you get noticed, it won't be because of offensive odors - if you know what we mean.
But that's not all, the FM 2000ES offers five freshness settings: Lemon, Vanilla, Morning Rain, Honeysuckle, and Potpourri.
French cut thong model coming soon for the ladies.
See also: The FlatuWhisper 1000, noise cancelling suppository device. Special package pricing available.
Sizes: S, M, L, XL, XXL and Fat Bastard
Note: Fuel cells produce small amounts of water as a natural byproduct. Occasional wet spots on the front of your trousers are normal and nothing to be concerned about.